Changing

Anyone who knows me knows how un-athletic/out-of-shape/un-flexible I am. I remember being 6 years old at gymnastics class, being the only one who couldn't do a cartwheel. I remember always being the last to finish the mile run at gym class. I remember moving to a new school before the 8th grade, and so badly wanting to be on the volleyball team to make friends, but I was too slow, and got cut. Or the year I took tennis lessons and went on that summer to loose every single match because I couldn't get to the ball fast enough. So naturally, I avoided and hated anything that required physical activity because I simply sucked at it all.

You might also know that theres a reason I couldn't run fast enough or bend far enough. I was born with both my hips dislocated, and it happened to go undiscovered until I was 10 months old. After multiple surgeries, traction, and casts, they were able to fit them back into the sockets. But because my hips had grown for a good bit of time out of the sockets, they just didn't quite fit snug in there. Okay...let me make this short before I go on and on. I would push myself to do all these physical activities and I'd be in pain. Throbbing pain. So I stopped pushing myself and gave up. Then to top it off, my knee was dislocated at the end of my senior year of high school and I had to have surgery a week before college started. And ever since then, I've not only had hip pain but now my knee will throb too.

After having Elias and having gotten so sick, I lost all the baby weight in 3 weeks. But then once I was finally able to hold food down for more than 5 minutes, I gained half the weight back. And now I'm the biggest I have ever been in my life. I hate shopping. Yes, you read that right. Back when I was a size 10/12 when we got married it was no biggie, and I loved shopping. But now that Im somewhere between a 14/16, I hate clothes. I hate how I look in the mirror. Nothing looks good. I feel like an oompa-loompa, and feel completely undesireable.

SO. HA! This probably looks like the biggest "poor-me" sob story. Its NOT! Because something has changed. And I need to share it, because my LIFE is changing. It has changed. I made a decision that after Easter I was going to drag my butt to the gym and hit it head on.

And I did.

I went to the gym 5 times in the past 7 days. For me, thats really good. I really wanted to go every day, but you know, with a baby and working hubby, I've gotta work around their schedules. But heck, I did it! And I feel GREAT! I actually wake up and WANT to go to the gym. Yes you read that right. I look forward to working out. Its just crazy! I want to go early in the day so that a) I can get it out of the way and b) it motivates me to eat better the rest of the day. I found a machine that works for me, my hips, and my knees. The Arc. I love it. My body is responding great. My muscles are sore from working out. NOT my joints. Every day I'm able to go a little bit further, a little bit faster, and push myself a little bit harder.

I want this to become a lifestyle for me. Even if I can only get there 3 times a week, I need to do this. I need to get healthy and in shape for my family. For my son. For our future children. I want to be able to chase them around the yard and not get tired. He's needs me. He needs us. And I should also mention that it isnt just me thats doing the gym thing. Kevin has been going after work late a night and working out too. WE are doing this together. We NEED to do this together.

Perhaps this is more than you wanted/needed to read. But I needed to write it out. By typing and declaring my intent to change my lifestyle, it holds me accountable.

Okay. Enough for tonight :)